I once said to her ''if love drives someone crazy, then you've driven me retarted" and she laughs. I say that I like her, she says "Im sorry". Two words that make her frown and makes her sad as if she's losing a friend. two words that hurt me more than its suppose to be. But why am I sad, why should a single tear drop even fall down from the eyes that I look through see her as the love of my life... why has cupid shot his arrow of love through your heart and through mine just so you can turn the other cheek to say you love someone else?? i dont understand it??? I say that I am happy for you and I am really but.....why is it that the arrow that once shot me through my heart that made me fall madly in love with you is suddenly starting to bleed with pain and dissapointment slowly from time to time??? Am i trying to hide something from you just to make you happy??? or is it that Im not being true to myself??? you're happy right?? and for that I should be too right??? These questions?? will they be answered or just simply walked away from ?? or is it that i havent yet to ask them  yet knowing that the next arrow that the lil boy with wings of love shoots, will hurt me once again??? I hate not telling you this in person, I hate not being able to have the courage to talk to you anymore. You once said "you've fallen deeeply in love with him" we'll i've "tripped over for you" and just gotten myself into a depper hole than than I've expected and everytime I try to get out of it. I pick the wrong one and hurt myself in the process of trying to say I "like you". Its not your fault, It should never be your fault. Its mine...you want to work things out as the both of us just to be friends, but I keep persisting in trying to get something I cant have. I let you go you so wouldn't have to worry about hurting me just cuz you dont feel the same way. But...am I lying to myself or is this what I want?? will I ever be able to write your name in these endless composure's about my love for you?? or will it just be my dream of what I want..dammit....will i ever know???

..well guys im just depressed right now but anyways this is the song for you Katrina....i hope you understand that i really like you and i hope one day you could see me that way too..i hope you listen to the words...

"Endlessly"

Late at night you called on a phone,
We talked about the day,
When you found out he was cheating.
You tell that it hurts to the bone,
To trust someone that way.
To find that he was deceiving,
And I know I've always just been your friend,
But if you look my way,
I'll make sure you'll never hurt again.

Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you,

And if you'd only see,
How beautiful you and I would be, endlessly.
Ohh, oh yeah.
I remember when you fell in love,
I could not believe..
That it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above,
And put my heart away.
So that you could be free.
And I know that right now you're broken in two,
But did you know my heart's been broken since that day I met you.

Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you,

And in my sweetest dream,
You've learn to put your faith in me, endlessly,
Sometimes the thing you need,
Is the one thing you can't see
If you put your faith in me,
How beautiful you and I would be.

Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you,

And if you'd only see
How beautiful you and I would be, endlessly

...................[silence]..............................something i haven't been in for so long.. sometimes life feels like its just full of shit and  it feels like you're the bucket that its being poured into. then you start to think you're full of it yourself. MAN! if you've ever had one of those days that you think everyones out there to get you this day that i had would be the epidemy of them all. this sucks ...i think ive done my share of speaking amd for now im just gonna be quiet..i need time to myself i really do and i haven't really found that friend of mine that i could tell everything to and trust them to keep it. So far the people i talk to are either just getting to that point but if i were to measure the distance for that it would take to too long or  just that i noe they have their own life and they dont want to hear about mine. i hate it. nost people see me with a smile on my face but otherwise really its just a smile and they dont noe whats goin on under it. and the less im keeping distance with my friends ..ahh iono..i just want to scream out loud for as long as i can so i can get everything out of my system or cry for 2 hours i havent done that for years!! and i do mean years like never. im being such a lil bitch right now and i think now im experiencing what girls call a rag sheit  i need to find me my best friend again... where did you go?? i've been such an over excentric fucker and not caring about what people think about me im starting to think i should act like one of those thug wannabe's........hahhahahahahah fuck naw people who act like that irritate me even though most of them live in daly city which is a suburban life. I need to find that best friend of mine cuz i need you right now......i dont know what to do someone help me this things getting to me like a bitch and it feel like something bitt me in the ass and i just want to curse but i also want to punch something at the same time..COMMENTS PLEASE!!